The continuing news this week that Trump’s highest honchos texted war plans to a journalist continues to amaze. I laughed my lungs out for an hour when I first read it. This leads us to today’s short essay:
This is the reason MAGA will lose: It is dumb.
Dumb. Stupid. Pathetically, irredeemably stupid beyond all measure. A bag of moldy doorknobs will outscore these dipshits in trying to solve the maze on the back of a McDonald’s box.
The MAGA supporters insist that their orange god-king is playing four-dimensional chess, but the unmistakable truth is that Team MAGA brings a bag of marbles to a game of checkers, and they’re not so much “winning” as flipping over the board angrily and then kicking sand on anyone who says they didn’t win.
This should give the rest of us heart: For every victory the Trumpists may claim, for every institution they wreck, for every lie they scream, for every barrier they smash, there will be a massive stumble, a head to the door frame, an “Oops I accidentally texted the nuclear codes to cousin Larry Joe and he left them in the bathroom of a Piggly-Wiggly.”
That’s not to say these idiots can’t cause damage: A chimpanzee with a flamethrower can still wreck things. But if you take away their toys, the best they can do is kick and scratch and scream about how unfair it is. Trump’s minions have been irrevocably revealed for what they really are: Chimpanzees with flamethrowers. Monkeys with chainsaws. Apes with badges. It would be lovely if we could all just call animal control and put an end to this.
But either way, we now know beyond any doubt that they’ll eventually lose. And not because someone else will win — but simply because when you’re the Three Stooges incarnate, sooner or later, you’re bound to drop a piano on your head.
