- Q. What is crypto?
A. Real cryptography is a difficult and important branch of mathematics. Crypto is a pyramid/Ponzi/MLM scheme — a scam designed to steal your money.
- Q. What is Bitcoin?
A. Bitcoin is a scam. It is a sophisticated computer program designed to steal your money by convincing you to trade your money for a magicbeannumber.
- Q. What is Etherium?
A. Etherium is a scam. It is a more sophisticated computer program designed to steal your money by convincing you to trade your money for a magicbeannumber.
- Q. What are Altcoins, like Tether/Dogecoin/Bitcoin cash/Litecoin/etc.?
A. These are scams that aren’t as popular as Bitcoin or Etherium. They steal your money by telling you they’ll soon be a bigger scam than Bitcoin or Etherium.
- Q. What is Blockchain?
A. Blockchain is a clever piece of mathematics that was designed to be a tool for stealing money, and it’s very good at it. It is the foundation of all of these crypto scams.
- Q. What is a “smart contract”?
A. A “smart contract” is a way to use more electricity than Sweden to scam you out of your money in a way that’s harder for you to understand than ordinary Blockchain.
- Q. What are non-fungible tokens (NFTs)?
A. NFTs are an advanced scam, built on top of smart contracts, where you pay money to buy ugly drawings of monkeys and old Internet memes that you cannot actually own.
- Q. What is Web3?
A. Web3 is a catchy name to describe all of these scams. Its primary goal is to find a way to force everyone, everywhere to be pushed into these scams.
- Q. What do phrases like hodl and GM and WAGMI and TTM and FUD mean?
A. Their speaker is trying to confuse you into giving them money.
- Q. But haven’t people make a lot of money in crypto?
A. Yes, scammers and grifters and con artists have made a lot of money using these scams.
- Q. But major investment bankers are now investing in crypto!
A. Yes, scammers and grifters and con artists have made a lot of money using these scams.
- Q. I heard gamers in the Philippines made lots of money with NFTs doing almost nothing!
A. The scammer gets rich, sure. The rest of them earn 37 cents per day.
- Q. Can I make money with Bitcoin or Etherium or NFTs?
No.
- Q. But the crypto bros said —
No.
- Q. No, seriously, just tell me, how do I make money with Bitcoin?
Step 1. Sell your soul.
Step 2. Buy some Bitcoin with real money.
Step 3. Scam someone else to pay you a lot more than you paid for it.
Step 4. Repeat steps 1-3 until you’re physically indistinguishable from human excrement.
- Q. You’re just mad you didn’t get rich!
A. This posting is a public service. I have never invested a penny into any of this obviously-stupid trash, and you shouldn’t either.
And never forget the only goal of everyone involved in crypto: Line Goes Up.
